Ep. 002 | “Holistic Healing”

Jul 22

In this episode, I chatted with licensed counselor Jessica McDaniel about the interplay between body, mind, and emotions when healing from pregnancy loss. We talked about everything from how the experience of our body impacts our grief, to the way that the body of Jesus displayed his grief, to how to know if you should seek professional help to facilitate healthy healing. I pray that this episode will be an encouragement to you as you consider your own experience of loss and journey through grief, remembering that God knows your frame and is full of compassion.

About Jessica McDaniel:

Jessica is a licensed professional counselor and has been working with clients from a biblically informed perspective for the past decade. She and her husband Ryan have been married since 2006 and have three daughters, the youngest being identical twins. They also went through the devastating loss of their 2nd baby during early-term miscarriage. Jessica enjoys teaching, leading seminars and loves listening to podcasts any chance she can get! In her free time she enjoys volleyball, bike riding with the family and taking trips to the Texas coast. She deeply believes that people's lives are changed and transformed through the power of the gospel of Jesus Christ and knowing him more.

Questions in this Episode:

Can you start off just by telling us a bit about your experience with miscarriage, both professionally and personally?
Can you paint a picture for us of what is going on for a woman physiologically in the time that follows the loss of life in the womb?
Can you help us understand how what we experience physically during and after miscarriage affects how we grieve and heal? Why is it important for us to think about this?
I hear a lot of women express shame or frustration over the magnitude or duration of their grief over the loss of life in their womb. As if there is a barometer for this type of grief. I’d love for you to speak to that a bit.
Given the effect of our bodies on our minds and experience, how can we know if we should seek outside help to facilitate healing?
Questions for every guest:
What’s one way God has used your experience of miscarriage to work in your heart and life?
If you could encourage a woman to meditate on or memorize any verse or short set of verses in this season, what would it be and why?

Noteworthy Quotes:

“We have to be able to understand the physical implications even if we don’t know it from a medical perspective, but we just are aware in order to validate that this affects the entire body. It doesn’t just affect one part of our brain, one part of our body, a piece of our heart, if you will— this has a holistic effect.”

“It’s really important to be aware of that [holistic effect] and to validate it so that you can give your body as much time as it needs to recover without rushing the process, and without thinking, “Oh, now, my emotional recovery has to be in line with my physical recovery. They interplay, but they’re different.”

“We have to honor our bodies as being capable but limited.”

“Sometimes when we try to minimize or limit our physical experiences, in a way we kind of try to be like God without actually being him.”

“Jesus’s physical body endured great trauma as he gave his own life up for us.”

“Whether or not the miscarriage itself felt traumatic for you, the body holds it like a trauma.”

“Jesus [in Luke 22] teaches us that our physical body is not cut off or separated from our emotional reality. They have to function together. He was in such agony and grief that his physical body was responding in a way that highlighted his need to cry out to God,… and for God to be with him.”

“Sometimes we buy into the lie that maybe if I know it won’t hurt so bad. [or] Maybe if I had known I could have prevented this pain, this grief, from enveloping me. And I’ve seen all variations of pregnancy loss and grief and what I will say is that the knowing doesn’t take the pain away. We can trust that God is the all-knowing God. He is the one that knows. He is the one that has perfectly numbered our child’s days, and hours, and minutes. And it doesn’t make the pain any less real, but it gives it somewhere to go… we can entrust it to him.”

“I don’t have to minimize my pain. I don’t have to have any sort of timeline for what I think this should look like, but rather I can entrust this to the one who knows me fully and who will lead and guide me in this process of healing. No matter how long it takes.” (23:11)

“Life keeps on going even when yours has come to a sudden halt. And that can be really frustrating, but also it helps us to see [if we have] truly taken the time to sit with and process my emotions. Can I name them? Am I able to do something with them other than feel completely powerless to them? Do they move in a particular direction that feels beneficial and actually points me to God?”

“I give the analogy a lot of times to our grief that if you’ve been out in the deep part of an ocean for a long period of time and the water is raging, and yo started in one place, you are going to be way far down so that even if you’re able to get your bearings there’s still a long way to go to get back to a sense of stability or centeredness. Sometimes we don’t even realize how far we’ve gone or how much our grief has churned things up until we possibly see someone like a counselor or a trusted mentor and they’re kind of that safe place or person for us to begin to recognize how far have I gone into this and am I making my way back to safety or not?”

“If you notice that… your sadness or tears become unending… month after month without any sort of reprieve or way to regulate those emotions, that could be a sign that it might be helpful to talk to someone.”

“It’s really natural and normal to become disregulated, and especially in grief. Thats really normal. But if we never find a way to regulate again as we dip into that deregulation, it can become harmful for our minds and our bodies. That’s where we can begin to stuff our emotions… or possibly turn to other things… so much can come out of not having someone who can be objective speak into that.”

“Counseling can become an extension of biblical community.”

“[My experience of miscarriage] brought me to a place of realizing that my joy can only be complete in the Lord.”